Open Letter

I have long thought the world would be a better place if we instituted the practice of exit interviews in the the ritual of dating. I know that I have often left a relationship confused about what exactly happened and wished I had some neutral outlet in which to gain some insight and possibly dole out a little myself. We could get some unbiased HR type to sit down with both parties separately to examine the date/relationship/marriage and give the participants open and honest feedback as to their strengths and weaknesses. For me, I believe this would make me a much smarter dater or at the very least expose patterns of behavior that I might be able to avoid in the future. I think this could really catch on.

In the spirit of productive sharing, I present an open letter to my last date:

New Matt:

To understand what transpired in the course of the last week, I would appreciate some feedback on a few things. It seems we had two very different versions of events though as far as I can tell, we were actually in the same interactions. First and foremost, you should know that your approach was brilliant, you were nothing but endearing on our date, and you are an incredibly good kisser. You should definitely keep that up for future dates. The kissing still gives me butterflies.

On the down side (and these are things you might want to work on), your crippling self doubt blackens everything good about you. It seems to have led you to believe that because I didn't want to hang out immediately the day after our date and the fact that I was offended by being stood up by you for our second date, that somehow that makes me dramatic. I admit, I didn't get the hint. I guess that sitting alone on my couch on a Friday night should have spoken loud and clear as to the type of person you were, but in my naivete, I actually believed that something might have happened to you and therefore was honestly concerned about your well being. Silly me. (Though I should point out, in the spirit of being helpful as well as critical, this only lends more credence to my claim that you exude sincerity in ways uncommon to your gender. It makes you endearing to women, but you need to back it up with ACTUAL sincerity for this to work in relationships).

Secondly, and again, my fault for not recognizing this as the red flag it was, you seem to still have a lot of residual issues with your parents' divorce. Obviously, this is a painful event in your life, but your death grip on security as your only goal in life is a sad waste of whatever talents you may have (I apologize, but I never did get to know what those may be, with the exception of the kissing). You sit on the side lines and watch your sister and brother pursue their passion, though more importantly, they are passing you by. You are given passion in your life for a reason, follow it.

Lastly, you need to learn that you never know what is going on in someone else's life that your actions could affect. The last two weeks of my life have been a little on the strenuous side, what with thinking I have cancer and all, which you had no way of knowing nor should you have. But can you imagine how much more painful being stood up was when I had spent the day at the doctor's office being poked and prodded? Next time you are going to leave a girl sitting on her couch in her pretty dress to watch Law and Order all night, at least have the courtesy to tell her that. A little respect can go a long way.

Overall, you get points for persistence, but you fail miserably in the follow through. I'm saddened that I will never kiss you again, but recognize now that I'd rather know all of this in the beginning then have to endure it in the future.

Best of luck in future endeavours.
Me